THINGS THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY. Originally published on 8/24/2015
“Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system” ~Ellen DeGeneres
I like to talk to myself, which can be a good thing, but sometimes it is concerning. I often rant in my head to express anger or frustration at someone. These rants either end up as a debate, or end with me trying to prove something about my theologies and beliefs. Not to brag, but I always win.
As often as I rant to myself, there are times when I do not rant. Instead I’ll have a heated discussion or speech about social justice and how being a part of the LGBTQI+ community is not sinful (It is not quite a rant). Or, I may recreate a scenario I encountered to prepare for the next time the same exact things are said or done (because those chances are so high…).
I promise, my conversations with myself are not always intense and skewed in a negative manner; I do have positive and fun conversations! During these instances I usually am writing a letter to someone I admire, appreciate or simply someone who needs a pick-me-up. My favorites, however, are when Ellen DeGeneres is interviewing me (or when a surprise interview arises when I attend her show). I actually dreamt I was attending her show and my favorite YouTuber, Hannah Hart, was being interviewed the same day! It was one the greatest moments of my life! But anyway I thought I’d share with you my latest interview.
*Rivers and Roads by The Head and the Heart plays as I walk out onto the set of the Ellen DeGeneres Show. I awkwardly dance and try to be cool, but still memorable.* (My reputation is on the line.) *Ellen and I hug.* (This is a moment I will later recall when I need a pick-me-up or if I want to brag.)
Ellen: *sighs* Welcome! I’ve been wanting to meet you! I've heard quite a bit about all the things you've been up to.
Me: *takes a sip water out of the mug and makes a disappointed face* (secretly hoping it is coffee, but knowing that it’s not)
Ellen: Did you not like water?
Me: *laughs* No I do! I was just hoping for coffee.
Ellen: Next time we’ll be sure to get you coffee.
Me: *laughs* I’m already coming back? You may hate me for all you know!
Ellen: *laughs* Well I guess you’re right! *pauses* So, you’re a busy person?
Me: Yeah, you could say I am.
Ellen: I think I will say that you are. You are on step-team, gospel choir, study for your twomajors and volunteer, all while managing a blog and creating events for the LGBTQ youth!
Me: *giggles nervously* Yes that’s all very true; co-captain of step team and I work as well. But I also try to have a life.
Ellen: *laughs* Don’t we all! What inspired you to do all this for the LGBTQ youth?
Me: Honestly, a combination of circumstance and God. I was an assistant cook at a Covenant camp and had an internship with a church, but I was dismissed from both because of my sexuality, but I’m actually grateful. I mean without those things happening I never would have thought, or been inspired and called, to create OutKast with the message and mission it now has.
Ellen: That’s awesome and good for you! So what exactly is OutKast?
Me: It has always been a youth ministry. At first for depressed teens and those who struggled with substance abuse. OutKast then developed into an urban youth ministry and today it’s a LGBTQI+ youth ministry. But I’m trying use its Christian mission and ideals as a foundation rather than a requirement, or even in advertising because that may draw my target youth away. It’s the Church that has judged and discriminated them the most. Our organization is here to provide hope and love and show that Christianity invites everyone in. Or well at least it is supposed to.
Ellen: That is incredible. It is great what you’re doing. One more question then we will take a break. *looks up* Go to break now?
Andy: Yes go to a break now.
Ellen: Okay we’ll be back with Melanie Lofgren after this.
Me: *laughs* Alright!
Ellen & Me: *talk and say pointless things while the camera zooms out and transitions to the commercials*
During the Break: *Love on Top by Beyoncé plays and the audience dances and Twitch comes out to show-off his slick moves*
Ellen: *laughs and smiles* Ahhh! You guys sure know how to dance! You’re the best audience! *takes a breath* We have Melanie Lofgren, an entrepreneur and activist with us today.
Me: *I smile and wave*
Ellen: You got fired for your sexuality, but you are not gay?
Me: Nope, I’m actually straight! *laughs and hopes that that response was funny* No, I identify as pansexual.
Ellen: If you don’t mind me asking, what is that exactly? Please excuse my ignorance.
Me: Oh I don’t mind. And I love that you admit your ignorance. It is an under-appreciated value.
Ellen: *laughs* Thanks.
Me: Well if one identifies as pansexual it means they are attracted to all genders. Not just the binary genders, male and female, but those outside the gender binary as well. So transgender, pangender, gender fluid, etc.
Ellen: Ah okay, that makes sense. Now I heard you try not to say the words, “am” and “are,” why is that?
Me: Well society and the education system have trained us to see the words “am” and “are” as words of permanence and absolute truth. And well most things… about to get post-modern on you…
Ellen: *laughs*
Me: are not either. I can say “I am Melanie” or “I am pansexual” or “I am Christian,” and I wouldn’t be lying, but the word “am” makes it seem as if those things are what people should define me as. But in actuality, each thing is just a part of who I am. I go by Melanie, but tomorrow I may go by Mel or maybe Gibson.
Ellen: *laughs*
Me: And honestly if I say I identify as a Christian…other Christians…well conservative Christians cannot say things along the lines of, “You are not a Christian” or “You are a disgrace to Christianity.” If they do I’ll just say, “Well I identify as a Christian because my basic beliefs align with Christianity and because I believe in God and Jesus and well… the whole Trinity. If it weren’t for their love, I wouldn’t otherwise. Besides just because I choose to identify with something does not make me that thing.”
Ellen: That is perfect
Me: Thanks.
Ellen: Thank you for sharing all that! *sighs* We’ll be back to play a game after this!
The show then continues and I go backstage and let all my excitement and nervousness and every other irrational emotion come out as I slowly melt. After I calm down I begin to talk to myself about what I could’ve said better and recreate the entire interview in my head because somehow it will make me feel like I actually did well.
Love and Faith, Melanie J. Lofgren